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How to Talk About Money Without Starting a Fight

Learn to Talk about Money as a Couple

One of the most helpful things the two of you can do to strengthen your marriage and finances is sit down and be open with one another about your joint and individual finances. Unfortunately many couples allow their fears about how wrong it could go stop them from doing this.

This lack of communication can cause huge problems so if you haven’t already, make some time this week to discuss this with your husband or wife.

How do you get started? What should you discuss with the first talk? Here are ideas that I believe can help both of you be productive and reduce money arguments.

Be Upfront with Each Other with the Numbers

Honesty is the best policy when it comes to finances in a marriage. That means sharing all the relevant numbers and information with one another. Financial infidelity can be emotionally devastating to a marriage.

Though not the most pleasant of activities, both of you will need to review the debts you have on a regular basis. From college loans to car loans, credit cards and any other debt you have, it’s important that both of you know how much you owe.

This helps you create a realistic budget that will get you out of debt rather than having you two spin your financial wheels.

Create Goals Together

Okay so you know where you’re starting out from, but where are you two heading towards? When creating financial goals, start off with dreams. After all, money is simply a tool. You can use it to achieve your dreams or you can waste it. What do you two want?

You can start off by creating a list of goals you two wish to achieve in 1, 5, and 10 years. You two really need to think about what you value as individuals and as a couple.

  • Do you want to eventually own a house in the country or do you want a condo in the city?
  • Do you want to not lay roots and travel?
  • Do you like to have some gadgets or do you want to save to go have unique experiences?
  • Do either one of you want to start a business?
  • Do you guys want kids down the road?

Asking these questions can allow you to build something together instead of making it up as you go. You also learn about each of your money personalities. Use this opportunity as a way to talk about the differences up front.

Play to Your Financial Strengths

There are many aspects to managing your money: spending, investing, debt reduction, savings, budgeting, and more. Mostly you and your spouse will excel in a couple of those areas.

As a couple, determine what those areas are, assign roles and responsibilities, and encourage your spouse in his or her respective duties. My husband is great at finding the best deals on electronics. He does the research and stays alert for when the price is lower than expected. After we discuss the monthly budget, I take care of the execution of it. We review everything on a monthly basis.

Thoughts on Talking About Money

When did the two of you first start talking about money? How did it go? Any advice for the rest of us?

Photo Credit: David Armsler

Merging Finances: My Interview with Mint

couple money mint interview

As many readers know, I’ve recommended and used Mint to keep track our net worth on a month basis for a few years. It’s a wonderful and free tool that allows the two of you get all of your accounts organized easily in one spot. They recently asked me to do an interview and I was happy to say yes. The topic was something we cover here – merging finances as a couple.

We started off with why couples argue about money and went from there. Here’s a snippet:

What are some common reasons couples argue about money?

I think one big factor is that couples don’t really understand how their spouse relates to money. We say that someone is a spender and someone is a saver, but it’s deeper than that. We pretty much all spend and save – it’s just on different things. Most times it’s because of our personal experiences with money growing up and being on our own.

I think when you have an idea of the “why” behind each other’s spending, it’s easier to tackle what the issue is. But many times, we seem to be stuck on the surface level – what do you want to buy or spend our money on. It’s one thing to say, “Let’s get a house and save for retirement” and another to talk about why you have these goals. Do you eventually want to have your own business? Do you want to have kids? Do one or both of you want to cut back on work so you can stay at home with them?

Another factor is that we don’t want to be judged for choices that we have made. We all have some bad money habits to various degrees; it’s a part of learning, and for some of us, we’re still paying off those debts. Your Money or Your Life has a great phrase for that – make peace with your past. You two are now a team, and the goal is to help one another succeed and become stronger for it.

You can read the rest right on Mint. Besides my interview, there are several wonderful ones up so please check out the series!

Master Your Network & Survive a Layoff

Check your resume

Layoffs can not only wreck your finances, it can also be a huge emotional stress. While most of us cannot stop a layoff from happening, there are steps we can do to minimize its impact and increase our chances of finding more work.

That was the case Eric found himself in a few years ago. He found out that layoffs were coming when the his local news announced that his company was being bought.  Being familiar with the business, he knew he needed a plan to find another job.

He came on the Couple Money Podcast and took us through his process and how his well maintained network came through for him. Eric found a better position and $6,000 raise. If you haven’t met him or followed him on Narrow Bridge Finance, please do. I met him in Denver for a conference and he’s an all around good guy and hard worker. eric couple money podcast

Besides Eric’s extremely helpful advice, this week’s show also covers tips:

  • How you can polish up your resume
  • Optimize your LinkedIn profile
  • Stay in touch with your network

Should you be facing a layoff I also recommend a guide to help you engineer your layoff so you increase your chances of getting a severance package that you deserve.

You can listen to it or download right here, or get it on your favorite player.

  • Catch the podcast on iTunes: Simply click on this link and you’ll be taken to Couple Money’s page.
  • Listen on Stitcher: Please click here so you can catch all episodes.

If you enjoyed the podcast, could you please share this with your friend or leave a rating and review?

If you have any questions about this episode or ideas for future ones, please leave a comment. My goal to make this podcast both motivating and practical for couples looking to building their marriage and finances.

Thank you and take care!

Our First Money Chat as a Couple

money talk as couple

Last week my husband joined me on the podcast to be ‘interviewed’ about our first time we sat down and talked about money. It’s been eight years since we were engaged and began sharing our finances with one another and so much has changed since then.

As you may expect, having to be completely open to someone about how you spend your money was eye-opening and nerve wrecking. I’m happy to say, though, that we both came in with the mind set of being honest and starting on the same page.

What We Got Right with Our Money Chat

We set up an evening where we could talk about our finances in a relaxed setting.  While neither one of us recall the exact words, but we do remember the topics. We talked about what goals we had for the next year or so, we shared our assets and debts, and we talked about our plans to get to our goals based on our current situation.

Smooth sailing, right?

Not quite. It was then I discovered that while I had credit card debt, a car loan, and a student loan my fiancé had no debt. Okay, he had one semester’s worth of a student loan, but he was paying it off in he next few weeks. It was an eye opener for the both of us.

I felt weird being the one carrying the debt, but my husband took it in stride. He felt that we could work through this together.

We started merging our finances by opening a joint savings account. All wedding gifts and our contributions would get deposited into the account. We were using that for the deposit on our first apartment and for general savings.

How We Could’ve Done Better

Honestly I could’ve been better prepared for the chat, by having the individual and total amounts of my debts. I think that not having the numbers in front of me was a reflection of how messy my finances were.

The good news is that hearing how he had no credit card debt motivated me to make a goal of getting rid of mine before the wedding. The crazy things is that I started blogging about personal finance to keep myself accountable and fell in love with learning more and chatting with others. So I guess our money chat had an even bigger impact than I thought!

Lessons Learned from Our Money Talk

As you can see, we did not get everything right the first time. The big plus, though, was that we were upfront with one another and that established trust between us. He knew that I would be upfront about my finances even when it was bad and I felt safe (for a lack of a better word) knowing that he was willing to work with me on improving things.

That’s our story, I’d love to hear about your first money chat. When did you have it? How did it go and what have you’ve learned from it?

Photo Credit: Derek Σωκράτης Finch

Catch the Couple Money Podcast on iTunes and Stitcher!

subscribe couple money itunes

Yesterday, I got some great news during lunch – Couple Money Podcast is now available on iTunes and Stitcher!  Having the show up makes it easier to subscribe and stay up to date on the latest episodes. You can find it by searching for our name or checking us out in either the investing or family sections.

  • Subscribe on iTunes: Simply click on this link and you’ll be taken to Couple Money’s page where you can subscribe.
  • Subscribe on Stitcher: Please click here so you can catch all episodes.

Love to Have Your Support

If you reading this and enjoyed the podcast, could you please take a minute share this with your friend or leave a review and rating? Every bit counts and I would love to have your support.

Besides helping others to find the podcast, it’ll give me an idea what you like to see more of on the show.  I will read every review to make sure that the podcast gives you the best personal finance tips that fits your needs.

Show Notes and More

With every episode and Q&A sessions, I post up show notes so you can find the right tools to help you build your finances. I love sharing what has worked and hasn’t worked for us. Since each couple is different I usually will mention a few resources so you two can build a financial system, that fits your style.

I also give some behind the scenes tidbits about running a podcast. It’s a different experience from blogging, that’s for sure!

What’s on Your Mind?

Please feel free to reach out me on email with any topics you’d like to have discussed on the podcast. Hearing from you has made this podcast better. I’ve adjusted the show and site to provide you with more useful materials. It’s my goal to make this podcast both motivating and practical for couples looking to building their marriage and finances.

Right now here’s what we have in the works for the next few episodes:

  • Paying Cash for Your Child’s College Expenses
  • Life After Debt: Building Up Your Net Worth
  • Creating Your First Joint Budget

My favorite part of creating each episode is the interviews. Everyone of these topic has a story where someone has succeeded (times after failing). If there is someone you think would be perfect for the show, let me know or better yet, tell them about the show.

Thanks again for your support as I was making these initial episodes and I hope you subscribe!

Photo Credit: francois