Love and Money – One Couple’s Take on Having Both
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Is there such a thing as a good fight?
Love and Money as a Couple
My husband and I sometimes fight about money. You might be surprised by the revelation considering we have a net worth over $600,000 and we just turned 30.
The problem usually comes from the same issue: we don’t think about money the same way.
Different Ideas, One Marriage
Derek thinks money is a tool to get you where you want to be. He has an attitude of abundance, and dreams big.
He’s never afraid to invest his cash in something that can propel him forward, even though the possibility for loss and set back are a possibility.
He knows that a financial loss will at very least come with a lesson to increase his financial knowledge. He believes it will always work out, because it always has before.
I [Mandy] think money is a resource to provide the things you need today, and the security to purchase needed items in the future.
I feel that choices must be made, and that having your cake and eating it too really isn’t possible.
The benefit of a lesson in investing is little solace when one of our investments goes down the toilet.
I believe it’s always worked out because I make it work out – I know our streams of revenue, and upcoming expenses like the back of my hand. If I let go, it all falls apart.
This difference in mindset is apparent in many areas of our lives. It’s readily obvious when reading our blogs.
Different Perspectives
Derek writes at Free at 33 and shares how he went from a life destroying drug habit to a husband, father of three, and a six figure income in just over a decade. He dreams big, and works hard to get there.
I blog at Money Master Mom and write about finding your personal values and making sure you spend your money, time and energy on what matters most to you.
I think we all daydream of how we’d spend a million bucks if we won the lottery, or how we’d use the extra time if there were 30 hours in the day, but let’s get real it's not likely happening anytime soon.
So we bicker, or let’s call them discussions so they sound a little more productive.
He feels I’m too comfortable letting him work for the man to provide for the family. I argue he dreams too big and too fast and it’s not fair to make us all jump on the crazy train.
The discussions escalate.
I fire an accusation arrow his way and duck behind the couch. I’m not really listening to his reply, because I’m reloading my next arrow.
I know I’m starting to get irrational when I catch myself thinking “If only Derek’s mom didn’t like me, it could come in handy right now as ammunition.”
Most of you who are married know how these discussions go.
Appreciating and Accepting Differences
The discussions fizzle out when we both realize we need to come away from our respective high horses at opposite ends of the spectrum.
Derek’s drive keeps life busy, and is the primary factor in our financial success.
His dream big mindset is slowly rubbing off on me, and I’m catching a vision for what free at 33 lives could be.
Derek comes my way too, and acknowledges my trench warfare to reach his dreams and thanks me for respecting that every extra dollar I spend is another dollar he has to earn.
I think our discussions about money refine our partnership in our family plan. I think they improve our ability to reach our financial goals and better understand each other.
I love my husband and my family too. I like a few lumps in my mash potatoes, and I’ll take them in our marriage too.
If you can’t tie off a discussion by thinking about the loveable attributes of your spouse you’ve got a problem.
Hope fully it can be fixed by changing your mindset or perspective. You get more bees with honey then vinegar.
Let me go on the record that I’m not really a fan of getting more bees, but I can appreciate the message that kind words to your spouse will get you much farther than the nasty ones.
When was the last time you were inspired by an insult? Instead of harping on your spouse for spending too much consider setting a savings goal together and discuss how you can work together to make it happen.
A word to the wise; if you’ve previously insulted your spouse about a spending habit they’ve got their back up. Bringing it up again, even politely, could cause your spouse to pounce.
Before you engage the enemy consider if you want to be right, or you want some positive financial results?
Divorce rates in North America are escalating.
The sad reality now is that you have better odds of divorcing then growing old together when you say “I do.” The number one reason couples fight is money.
Do you and your spouse think the same way about money? Does this lead to discussions in your home?
My girlfriend and I are on the same page, or at least chapter as far as money goes. She likes to buy things a bit more than I do but I’ll admit I like to save too much. It should be a good balance as long as we both keep open minds which we have so far over the last few years.
My wife and I also have discussions on how we should manage our money.
In our family, I am usually the frugal one. I make sure that our
financial goals are always on track, to be able to pay off all our debts
and at the same time save enough money for our retirement fund. My
wife, on the other hand, is a risk-taker. She is involved with all the financial decisions, she’s just not that into finances or passionate about them like I am. Talking is a must
You can have a happy medium. Allocate a portion that you need to hold in non-risky investments and give him an allocation to build with risky investments. The more he wins with the risky the more he gets to experiment.