Getting Your Spouse to Save More
In order to produce the podcast and keep content up free for you, I work with partners so this post may contain affiliate links. Please read my full disclosure for more info.
Working together with your finances can not only grow your wealth but also build up your marriage.
It can be a daunting (and sometimes frustrating!), though, when you don't see eye to eye.
Is there a way to help get your spouse on board? Can you save money and your marriage?
How to Help Your Spouse Save More
As the spouse who wasn't a saver, I can tell it's possible to work through things together.
Saving more went from being a chore to an enjoyable habit. I can have fun now and still have something left over for later.
The key was shifting our mindsets and developing better habits, both together and personally.
If you two are trying to sync up with your finances, here are some changes we made that allowed us to find a way of tackling money as a team.
Start Small and Respect Each Other
Don't expect your spouse to make changes overnight. More than likely they've had this habit for years before you two got together, so it will take some time to get them on board.
Understanding how they've picked up these patterns can give you a clearer idea on how to approach them about saving more.
Talking directly about money can be stressful and put some on the defensive, so it may instead be helpful to just talk about goals instead and go from there.
What does your spouse want to do in the next year or five? Do they want to switch jobs, travel more, or start a new hobby?
You may be surprised to find a goal that you can get behind to help them to learn to save.
Split the Difference
What if your husband or wife wants to spend the money you just saved? What do you then?
There are several ways you can tackle this, but you may find keeping small separate accounts a plus.
Go ahead and split the money saved – you can save or invest your half and they can spend theirs.
You may find that your spouse will start seeing a difference without you having to constantly remind them of the benefits of saving.
Show, Don't Just Tell
Speaking of reminders, sometimes, it's better to let the results do the talking.
Even though you really have their (and your family's) best interest at heart, showing them how fun saving can be can be more powerful than telling them.
Do you have something that you really love and want to get (without getting into debt)? Save for it.
Keep your spouse in the loop by having a chart on the fridge with your progress. Perhaps they will see that it really doesn't take long to buy what you want, you just need to have a plan.
Make It Easy to Save
What if it works? What if you get your spouse on board to try and save more money?
Start off with a joint goal that you both want to reach – a debt free vacation, a new television, or just bumping up your emergency fund. The point is you want your spouse to be excited about saving.
Go ahead and make it easy on both of you – automate your savings so the money is transferred as quickly as it is deposited.
That can be a huge help as the money is tucked away before the temptation to spend it kicks in.
This post was originally published in December 2018. It has been updated April 2021.
It really comes down to mutual respect and compromise. People in a relationship should want to help each other achieve their goals. If one is a saver, they should both want to achieve that goal. If one wants to spend a bit more, then the two should be able to come up with a compromise that will allow each to fulfill their needs. Maybe not to the fullest extent….but relationships are about give and take, right?
Totally agree- relationships are a team effort. It can be especially frustrating when it feels like you’re fighting one another efforts, intentional or not. My hope is that couples learn from one another and build on mutual goals.
I tried to make a rational appeal to my spouse and then carefully choose when and how to make more frugal suggestions. I had to accept those moments when it was important to my partner to spend a bit more, and be happy with the times that we made the more economic decision. Its a careful balance and has to revolve around respect.
Great point about respect Leonard! I do believe that people have some explanation behind their habits (money or otherwise). While we may want them to move a bit faster, respecting them as they do make progress is important.
Interestingly enough, he has the savings, but I’m the budget bitch in the relationship. We, too, are starting off small as he’s not terribly fond of being managed by a spreadsheet or app. We started old school with a single expense and an envelope.
Haha, that’s us! My husband is good about savings, but my strength is execution.
Glad you guys are starting small and building together.
It took a bit of time, but we’ve found that having me run the day to day finances and he’ll do the planning & research for certain household/tech items (right now the kids playset) works for both of us.
We still have our monthly money dates and we’ll sit down for big purchases and plannings.