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Are you two frustrated because you're financial opposites? Learn strategies so you can get on the same page and win with money in your marriage!
Let me ask you something -What do you think it takes to be successful both in your marriage and with your finances?
Do you see fights and disagreements about money as an indication that something's wrong in your relationship?
Or do you see it as an opportunity to grow closer and start building last together?
Today we're going to look at the techniques tactics and strategies of couples who win with money but don't start off on the same page.
When Financial Opposites Attract
For my own personal experience and talking with other couples, I realize there's a tendency in a lot of marriages to not talk about money until something goes wrong.
Avoiding those crucial conversations can be a big mistake because it tends to cause a tremendous stress.
It's hard to be when you're dealing with credit card debt, a broken budget, and/or bills that are late.
Ironically, one reason couples don't talk about money is that they're trying to avoid a fight. This especially the case when you're financial opposites.
It doesn't have to be that way though.
Having a spender and a saver can be a fantastic combination.
The key is learning how to work together even being financial opposites.
I usually don’t do two guests, but I thought it made sense for today's topic. I want to show the balance between
- applying certain principles that can help every couple
- knowing when it's time to carve your own path
In this episode we get into:
- Creating your goals and money together
- Finding a budget you’re both on board with
- How to deal with tricky situations – like lending money to family – without straining your marriage or money
Think you’ll hear a lot of familiar stuff and get some new ideas with this episode. Hope you enjoy!
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Resources to Combine Your Finances
Here are some resources to dive deep into how you two can work together as a team with your finances.
- Best Budget and Money Apps: Personal Capital, Tiller, Mint
- Grow Your Stash Faster: High Yield Savings with CiT Bank
- Automatic Saving: Qapital
- Free 401(k) Analysis: blooom
- How to Talk About Money Without Starting a Fight
- Managing Financial Conflicts as a Couple
- How to Use Money Fights to Strengthen Your Marriage with Jayson Gaddis
- Build Your Marriage & Wealth with Money Dates
- Three Toxic Habits to Stop When Talking About Money
- Jen Hemphill's Money Coaching
We’re going to discuss the ins and outs of merging finances and personalities in our private Facebook group over at Thriving Families.
It’s free and fun – please join us!
Creating Your Goals and Finances Together
Before you two start looking at creating a budget or even setting up your retirement contributions, take some time to answer the fundamental question – What do the two of you want to achieve?
Once the essential bills are paid, how would you like to use your money.
It's a simple question, but many couples skip this part and just follow along with what they should be doing.
That can be a recipe for disaster.
Instead, go on a money date – leave the spreadsheets at home- and start talking about what you'd like to knock out this next year or two.
What places do you want to travel to? Are you thinking of starting a business down the line? Do you want to have kids?
Once you nail down one or two things that really matter to you, it's much easier to align your spending towards those goals.
Finding a Budget You Love
If you talk to a few couples, you'll probably find that there's usually one spouse that's the go-to person when it comes finances.
They keep track of the budget, pay the bills, and stay on top of the numbers. That can make things easier to organize.
The key, though, is making sure that both spouses have a say with what goes on with the finances.
Reviewing those goals you create, one spouse can run the numbers and whip a budget, but the other should take a look and offer some suggestions.
You may find opportunities where you can have fun now and still save for your big dreams. That's a win-win!
Test of Love and Money: Lending to Family
Jen shared a situation that she and her husband had to deal with – helping out family.
This is a scenario that can lead to a lot of hard feelings and a huge fight between spouses.
Here's how Jen explained it:
….Yeah like we both like to help family buy he's more of the type where someone let's say is having a hard time financially.
….it sounds like coldhearted on my part but I'm like I was always we need to take care of ourselves first before we can help others.
And I don't mind helping others but we have to take care of ourselves first.
And I didn't really understand his thought process in giving to give because then I learned well if you lend money to a family member you might not get it.Jen Hemphill [20:10]
The solution for Jen and her husband was setting aside money in their budget for that specific scenario.
If family needed help, they could offer that money to assist without derailing their family's finances.
This was crucial for both of them because Jen wanted to respect her husband's giving spirit and he wanted to protect and make sure his family was provided.
Zeta: Helping Couples Master Their Money Together
So happy Aditi could join us on this episode. If you two are looking for a customizable solution with your finances, please check out Zeta.
Zeta helps you stay on top of your finances together by helping you understand where your money is going. Track all of your accounts in one easy to use spot.
Stay on the same page about money! Drop memos on specific transactions, add monthly notes to remember what happened, or split spending as needed. Go to Zeta to get more info!
Before we close up I want to focus on some key takeaways I got from talking with Jen and Adiati.
- Find common ground.
- Create your budget/spending plan together.
- Have regular check-ins.
These guidelines have been crucial and invaluable to both us and many couples I’ve had on the podcast.
However, based on your personalities and goals, your system may be different than even of your closest friends.
Support the Podcast!
Thank you so much for listening to the podcast!
- Spread the word! If you enjoyed this episode and think it can help a buddy get on the path to dumping debt and become financially free, please share.
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- Grab a copy of Jumpstart Your Marriage and Your Money. My book is designed for a busy couple to set up their finances in 4 weeks. Get tips and tools that have worked for other couples on their journey of building their marriage and wealth together!
This episode was originally released in September 2018. Show notes have been updated August 2019.